The morning after.

As I sit here, hunkered down in front of my computer, prepared to tell you all about life the universe and everything following a four year retail prison sentence...I have nothing. 

I want to be able to tell you the world changed for me overnight.  No such luck.  I did of course celebrate the event with a fun night of karaoke followed by Fallout 3 until 4am.  Yet now I am looking at the work I have before me and am realizing that all I have changed is the amount of time allotted in my schedule to get work done.  My world is still dominated by work.

I know you all loved me standing behind the counter, dishing out advice on books to read, exchanging witty cynical banter, taking your money and leaving you with a smile.  Wasn't my bag.  Sorry!  For every ten minutes spent with a customer I had hours to spend alone waiting for the next customer to arrive.  I have never been one to wait patiently for anything.  If I want it, I do it. 

In having that general philosophy in life, I have also caused myself dynamic layers of hardship.  Much like a crow seeing a shiny penny on the train tracks, I didn't stop to look for the train barreling towards me.  Just wanted the shiny!  I had a few other crows whispering in my ear telling me I should look before I flew in and snatched that beautiful shiny but I didn't listen. 

While the four year run we had with Comic Evolution we accomplished an ungodly amount of things, I left behind a marriage, financial security, and the glue that tends to make running a business enjoyable.  Strangely I feel like the weight of the world is off my shoulders. I am smiling. I see a light at the end of the tunnel. The options have increased exponentially. Just by eliminating the 12-hour a day lockdown of retail business I am beginning to see what I have been missing all these years.

I will sum up what you can see in my future with some cryptic and random pictures (as I am known for).  Unless you are really close to me none of these pictures will make sense.  Just know that they mean something to me and are symbolic of what is to come for me.  Trust me they will all make sense to you someday.

"If you would not be forgotten as soon as you are dead, either write something worth reading or do something worth writing." ~ Benjamin Franklin

What I learned this week.

1.  Solicitors get confused when you try and trade their services for comic books.

2.  Cucumbers give you gas.  Both front and back. Gas is funny.

3.  Mean people suck.

4. Bill collectors get confused when you insist they owe you money.

5.  Fallout 3 is highly addictive.  As is cocaine, but I am not going that far.

6.  Negative people are not going to change their ways at your whim.  It requires all of your friends threatening violence.

7.  Flat Sprite tastes like gritty sugar water.

8.  Morning wood is uncomfortable.  Like sleeping on a tripod.

9.  Papercuts take forever to heal.

10.  No matter how well you take care of yourself, a chest cold will kick your ass.

11.  Education doesn't fix stupidity.

12.  When you announce you are closing your business, it doesn't bring in the customers you thought would come in.  It brings in new people that are instantly depressed they didn't find you sooner.

13.  Q-Tips help deaf people. Deaf people like Q-Tip. And Jungle Brothers.

14.  Tony Chachere's Original Creole Seasoning is infintely better than any other seasoning salt.

15.  Kuwait has moderate winter weather, much like Washington in the spring.

16.  Driving with a cell phone in one hand and picking your nose with the other leaves nothing holding to hold the steering wheel. (Stupid woman, hope she was insured)

17.  Not only is death not sacred in comics, but the fertility rate amongst superheroes appears to be very low. 

18.  Sonic has 5 cheeseburgers for $5.55 on Tuesdays.  Cheapest meal in town.

19.  Comic book consumers seem infinitely more offended by opera than they are poorly written rags.

20.  It is becoming increasing more acceptable in public to threaten violence on loud children.

21.  Christmas can be a cool holiday when you find positive people to surround yourself with.

22.  Perfection takes time.

23.  There is no such thing as a good politician.

24.  Stockpiling for a zombie apocalypse is difficult with no money.  I hope comic books become the approved currency.

25.  Writing is therapeutic, even if it suits no end.

A dream to remember...

I will refrain in the future from sharing some of the stranger dreams I have as they might scare even the most open minded of people, but this one stands out.  Those that do not know I am a big dreamer, sometimes multiple per night.  Very rarely do they make sense even to me, but last night's dream seemed to be a positive omen despite its nonsensical approach.  My subconscious works in strange ways; sometimes reminding me that things are going to be alright despite my reservations.  OK, here goes:

A handful of customers come into the store to surprise me with a closing gift.  They have commissioned a local artist to do an oil painting of the store with me in it.  As the artist sets up his easel (the artist resembling a friend of a friend on FB by the name of 'Pops') customers from over the years file into the store and say their goodbyes.  Amongst the tears and reminiscing a handful of customers approach me and start to disrobe me.  Someone is standing in front of me with a giant fig leaf prepared to cover my genitals.

I then am instructed to do my best Rodin's The Thinker pose while sitting on a stack of comics about two feet high.  All the customers disappeared at some point to leave me to my pose for the artist.  While holding the pose for what seems like hours, 'Pops' berates me every time I move and keeps saying he has to start over.  I am constantly shifting because I can feel the cover of the comic on the top of the stack sticking to my bare buttocks. 

People occasionally wander in to see the artist at work, laughing and snickering at me in my naked state.  At one point John Layman and Mark Rahner, two friends of mine prominent in the comic industry wander in drunk and vomit on Pops back, apparently disgusted by my nudity.  'Pops' continues to work, using a strange palate of colors all seeming to represent colors I don't recall being prominent in the storefront.  Not to mention all sparkly. 

I notice 'Pops' digging at his ear like he has a bad ear infection.  He digs out a Ziploc bag of glitter dust.  I start to protest as I have become a hater of glitter in all of its forms.  'Pops' opens the bag, winds up like a pitcher, and throws the bag of dust on the canvas, knocking both the canvas and easel to the floor.  He then bows to me, tips his hat, and walks out the door.

I remained in my Thinker pose for a minute before I realize he isn't coming back.  I put on a pair of underwear and go over to lift the face-down canvas from the floor.  The picture is of my girlfriend and I standing in front of my car at the Grand Canyon with an unusually large smile.

I got dressed, set the alarm, and closed the door to the shop, and got in my car and drove off.

I find a lot of personal insight in this dream.  Thank you Captain Subconscious for making my day.

Why "Sluggo"?

The name Sluggo was given to me in the year 6010 by the ancient and honorable order of E Clampus Vitus.  Certain trials and tests were put upon me in a secretive initiation.  Upon completion the name was given to me as a token of respect by my brothers in the organization.

At first I took this name to be a hinderance: the assumption is if you have a nickname with 'Slug' in it you are a lethargic, slow, perhaps dimwitted fellow...perhaps even leaving a slime trail in my path. 

All facts aside, I now hold the name in extreme high regard.  Many good nicknames throughout history are not reflective of a person's demeanor or personal stature, but are exactly the opposite.  This is how I see this name and will continue to use it in that capacity.

What is E Clampus Vitus?  The organization is dedicated to the preservation of Western heritage and historical preservation and remembrance.  I joined this organization out of a deep and passionate love for this world and the mysteries within it.  Next time you stumble through a cemetery and notice a beautifully restored headstone it was probably done by us.  If you saunter into an old building with a historical significance you may note a plaque commemorating the building.  Yep, us again. 

Our local Chapter of E Clampus Vitus, the Doc Maynard Chapter, is taking great steps to take the organization to the next level and make it a household name.  If you have heard of the organization, you probably have heard mostly derogatory references to drunkards, red shirts, out and out rowdy folks crowding local bars with one thing on their mind: excessive liquor comsumption.  OK, not a stretch but there is so much more to the organization that keeps me active in its ranks.


Those that know me know I am not a big drinker, but dammit when I do it I do it right!  The rest of the year and my dedication to the order is in the capacity of historical preservation.  We have some  wonderful plans coming up this year that should take the world by storm.  Stay tuned for updates!

Want to be a 'Clamper'?  You have to be invited.  Talk to us.

A moment to reflect.

A lot has changed for me in the last year.

A failed business venture.  A new business venture.
A failed relationship. A new relationship.
A failed outlook on life.  A new outlook on life.

Sounds pretty typical for the modern American entreprenuer.  The difference is you are going to experience the changes in life along with me.  Not enough keeping you busy in your life?  Bored with what is in store for your future?  Join me in mine.  Spend countless hours reading nonsensical gibberish courtesy of yours truly.

I will let you know what I like.  I will rant about things I don't like.
I will let you in on the secrets of my world.
I will astound you with my many layers of retardation.

Strangely enough I have the time on my hands now.  The pent up writer in me is going to come out full force and smack you upside the head with 9 inches of graphite filled wood.

Are you prepared?  Probably not.  If you are, come along with me won't you?  It should be a fun ride.

Such is the life of the Real Sluggo.  Please fasten your seatbelts, we have a long ride ahead of us.